Why I cancelled my wedding days to ceremony – Bauchi graduate

Twenty-four-year-old Ibrahim Mohammed shares with TEMITOPE ADETUNJI, reasons why he cancelled his wedding to his fiancee

What do you do for a living, and could you share a bit about your background and Fatima’s current situation?

I graduated from Bauchi State University in October of this year, where I studied Zoology. Since then, I’ve been focusing on tailoring, which I have been practicing professionally for some time. In fact, I was deeply involved in tailoring both before and during my studies, and it has been my primary source of financial support.

As for Fatima, she recently completed her secondary school education and is currently not working. She is focused on preparing for the next chapter of her life.
You recently announced the cancellation of your wedding on Facebook, citing genotype incompatibility as the reason. Could you elaborate on why these medical findings were not addressed earlier in your relationship?

Fatima and I had been in a relationship for three years. We didn’t think it was necessary because Fatima is my cousin. Most of our relatives, including siblings, have an AA genotype, so we assumed there would be no issues.

Given that Fatima is your cousin, is it part of your tradition to marry a relative?
Yes, it is normal, and it is part of our tradition. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. My mother and her mother are siblings. We loved each other so much, but the genotype issue was the only reason we had to separate.

What led to the decision to undergo genotype testing after three years of being together, especially considering your assumption that there would be no issues?

We decided to undergo genotype testing because we felt it was important to confirm our compatibility before taking the final step of marriage. Although we initially assumed there wouldn’t be any issues due to our family history, we wanted to ensure there were no potential health risks for our future children. It was a step taken out of caution and responsibility, even though it came later in our relationship.

Last month, we discovered our genotype incompatibility. We went to the hospital for tests and found out we were both AS. To be certain, we visited another hospital, and the results were the same.

What were your thoughts and emotions upon learning that both of you share the AS genotype?

Discovering that we both share the AS genotype was utterly heartbreaking. It felt like the ground had been pulled out from under me. We had spent three years building dreams and envisioning a future together, only to realize that something entirely out of our control could jeopardize all of it.

The thought of letting go of someone I deeply love, simply because of genetics, was devastating. It wasn’t just about us, it was about the potential pain we could unintentionally bring to our future children. That realization was both overwhelming and deeply painful.
What happened after you discovered the incompatibility?

Her parents decided to marry her off to someone else on the same date we had fixed for our wedding, November 29th.

Could you clarify the circumstances surrounding Fatima’s upcoming marriage to someone else, despite her not having been in a prior relationship with this individual?

Her parents were deeply committed to ensuring that the wedding preparations didn’t go to waste. Even though Fatima and I were the ones engaged and she wasn’t in a relationship with anyone else, they decided to arrange her marriage to someone else. It was a way for them to salvage the time, effort, and resources they had already invested in planning the event.

Do you think Fatima had been seeing someone else before this?

No, she wasn’t. Her parents simply wanted to ensure the marriage preparations didn’t go to waste.

How did you and Fatima decide not to proceed with the marriage?
Although our parents wanted us to go ahead, we both decided it was best to separate because of the risks involved. I feel very bad about it. My parents and friends are also deeply hurt by the decision.

How did Fatima react to the breakup?

Fatima has been deeply affected by the breakup. She’s very emotional and has cried frequently since the decision was made. It’s not easy for her, especially considering how much she had looked forward to our wedding. The sudden change has been difficult for both of us, but I can see how it has impacted her more profoundly. She feels torn between her own feelings and the family’s expectations. It’s been a challenging time for both of us.

In Northern Nigeria, where marriage is highly valued, how has this decision affected your reputation?

It hasn’t affected my reputation at all.

Do you regret announcing the wedding cancellation publicly?

I don’t regret it because everything happens for a reason. I believe this was destined. It’s the best decision for us and our potential future children.
How did your family react to the decision to cancel the wedding?

My parents, especially my mother, were devastated and cried when they heard the news. Both families were unhappy about the situation.

What did your religious leaders say about your decision?

They said we shouldn’t worry about genotype issues, as in the past, people got married without these tests and had healthy children. However, we decided otherwise.

How do you plan to move on from this?

We’ve accepted that separating is the best decision, even though it’s painful.

How do you respond to critics on social media who say this issue should have been addressed earlier?
I don’t engage with such comments because they don’t contribute to the conversation in a meaningful way. While some people mock or criticize us, I’ve chosen to remain focused on what matters, the health and well-being of any potential children and the future that lies ahead for both Fatima and me.

It’s easy for others to make judgments without fully understanding the emotional and cultural complexities of our situation. Rather than get caught up in negativity, I prefer to move forward with the decisions that I believe are best for our lives.

What lessons can society learn from your experience?

My experience highlights the critical importance of early genotype testing in relationships. People need to understand that compatibility, in terms of genotype, is just as important as other aspects of a relationship. It’s a conversation that should take place early, well before planning for a future together.

What lessons have you personally learnt?

From this experience, I’ve learned the importance of addressing critical issues early in a relationship. We tend to focus on love and emotions in the beginning stages, and while those are important, it’s equally vital to address practical matters like genotype compatibility.

I also learned that it’s essential to take responsibility for the decisions we make, even if they are tough. This experience has taught me that sometimes, doing the right thing means making difficult choices to avoid greater complications down the line. Although it’s painful, I now understand that facing these challenges early on is far better than allowing them to affect our future.